Last night, when I got home from work, I again, was overcome with emotion; I miss Bobby so desperately. I don’t like being alone and I’ve begun talking to myself…no one hears me, no one responds to me when I do this. I’m isolating to a degree; haven’t checked the voicemail on my phone in 3 to 4 weeks. I haven’t called the last bunch of people whose voicemail I listened to almost a month ago.

The past weekend I was distracted by the celebration of my son’s wedding in Leesburg, VA; but when I got home I was fine at first, busy unpacking, but yesterday was my first day back at work, and AGAIN, the pain started creeping up on me as I drove home. I was fine at first when I got into the house, but as I was noticing myself talking to myself, there was no one listening other than the Lord, who I was crying out to, and no one that responds to my pain, except Christ. I have to learn to walk in total committment to listening to His still small voice. It’s really difficult to quiet my mind and heart so I can enter into the Presence of the Lord…this experience of losing Bobby is stretchin me in so many different ways…one thing I know, if I avoid my feelings it will only prolong the grief process and also it may make me physically sick. The only way out of grief, is TO GO THROUGH IT. This is not a fun thing, but it is a growing experience. One thing I’ve learned is that many people have grief of losing someone they love, but everyone’s process is different and personal; by sharing with others and listening to their experience, I believe it will build a new compassion in my heart for those who are suffering through a loss. The Jason Gray song, Nothing Is Wasted has lyrics that totally apply to me right now. Here’s the link for the YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l26UoD-N2hA

Here are the lyrics to the song:

“Nothing Is Wasted”