Just another blog
Archive for June, 2013
SPAMMERS!!!
Jun 28th
One thing that I’ve noticed…I get about 200 spam messages in a couple of weeks…this is so annoying because of the time it takes to delete them. I don’t understand spammers and what is the ‘reward’ they get from doing it.
On my birthday next week, Bobby will be gone 5 months…every day since he died has been tearful and sad. I so don’t want to be alone, I want him back, but I think I’m beginning to realize he won’t EVER be home again… 
My heart is broken, my life is unraveling, I know that Jesus is with me, but I don’t always ‘feel’ His presence. I just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other hoping that I will eventually come out of this. One thing that I’ve learned; the only way OUT of grief is by going THROUGH it. I never know when I’m going to fall apart and start crying…I’m crying right now as I write these words…I don’t like this pain.
Some pictures of my son’s wedding…
Jun 4th
I just uploaded a picture from Evan & Lynn’s wedding; I hope you can see it because I’m not real sure how to do this…
Jun 4th
On May 25th, my son, Evan Pelletier married his sweetheart and best friend, Lynn Dawley. If you want to see some beautiful photography, check out the site of their photographer, Jessica Smith: http://www.jessicasmithphotography.com/blog/2013/06/03/evan-and-lynn-thomas-birkby-house-wedding-photographer/
My son is so handsome, to me anyway, and his new wife, my new daughter is so adorably cute and she was a stunning bride. So happy for them both! I only wish that Chelsea and Evan lived closer to me…
Jun 4th
Yesterday was 4 months that Bobbby has been gone, still feel the pain as if it were yesterday. I’m working on getting into a group at church called Widow2Widow; have high expectations that talking with others who have lost a husband, etc. Gail C. contacted me by phone and wanted me to come to the Sunday service (11 am) because the ladies meet after church. I told her that I go to the Saturday night service, which allows me to sleep in a bit on Sundays.
Haven’t begun the exercises that Nikki gave me for my knee…gotta get motivated to do this. Knee pain comes and goes, some days it’s annoyingly painful, other days, not so much.
Still finding the evenings to be the most painful part of my day; coming home from work to just my 2 cats is unacceptable to me. I don’t think I’ve accepted Bobby’s death yet. The ache in my heart is continuous, but it’s hightened when I come home to a virtually empty house, no Bobby to kiss on, talk with, partner with on projects, or just to sit and watch TV together. I was so comfortable with you, Bobby, just to sit and be silent in each other’s presence…I lost my need to constantly talk. You’re still my best friend…I’ve taken to talking to myself when I’m at home…this really bothers me. Mostly because there is no one except the Lord who hears me.
I’ve been trying to surrender to God’s plan for my life, but my ‘need for control’ gets in my way. I want to know ahead of time where Jesus is leading me. Trusting that His plan for me is perfect is difficult because of the ache in my soul for Bobby. Sometimes I talk to Bobby, not knowing if he can hear me. I don’t think there is anything in the Bible that says that once we’ve passed from this life into eternity that we can ‘watch’ those who are left behind on Earth. I haven’t researched this enough. It would be a comfort to know that he can/could hear me. So many people talk about ‘Bobby being with me’ as if he hovers around me…seriously, I don’t believe this. I believe that this is a lie in an attempt to comfort those who are mourning the loss of a soulmate.
More later…got to get to work! 